Return to the Valley

It has been over 3 years since I started this blog.
I originally named it "Take Me to the Valley" because I was moving to a literal valley (The Great Rift Valley), but I also wanted to be someone who dared to step into figurative valleys.
At the time I did not know what I would find in the valley.
And yes, I found brokenness, darkness and deep sorrow. But in the valley I found grace deeper than the cracks, beauty that defied brokenness and a raw honesty with God. My time in the Rift Valley were 10 very difficult weeks, but in an inexplicable way, 10 of the most sacred weeks. Those weeks stand as a time where God slowly broke and reshaped my heart. I saw the world differently. I saw myself differently. And I saw God differently.

After Kenya I returned to the U.S. to finish up my senior year of college. I wrestled through transition but was confident that God was about to launch me across the world...

 ...2 very long, quiet, and isolated years later I continue to repeat to myself, "You know my heart". Again and again, "You know my heart". "You know my heart". You know my broken heart. My eager heart. My heart bursting with desire. My heart saddened by disappointment. My heart that feels far from home. My heart that yearns for belonging. You know it all. And you care. Yes, Your plans are higher than mine.
 

When I said "Go!", God said "Wait." And it is hard to look no and rejection in the face. Instead of all I had envisioned for my life, God took me to a place where I had to come face to face with myself. Removed from my community, my roles, places I got my identity and places that made me feel at home - I was left empty before God. It was in this time that I began the "root growing" season in my life. You know, the ground breaking dirty work. Where there are little blooms, but immense growth. I won't romanticize this process, and I won't say that I'm not still in it. Because really, I had been in root growing seasons before. But again, God comes back to till the soil. And that waiting time is not wasted time, because God is working on things unseen.

As I continued to seek out opportunities, I finally (read "desperately") turned to one idea that I was hesitant to pursue: grad school. I did not think that God would be in it, but He was. In a whirlwind of chaos yet divine peace, I found, applied and got accepted into a masters program in the span of a week - with the program to begin 3 weeks later. I always said I would never go to grad school. And I would never ever do grad school online.

But since August I have been in an International Community Development program through Northwest University.  When I found the program and read the descriptions, it put into words so many things I had wanted or felt, but didn't know how to express. I was excited and engaged. And the program has not disappointed. I have learned SO much through this program - in so many ways. About our world, myself and our God. But this program has also led me to a place where I am about to embark on a new adventure. One where, with humility and gratitude, I will return to the valley that reshaped my life.

Friends, God has led me to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia...which rests at the top of the Great Rift Valley. This time I will be going to do research for my thesis. This immense privilege of going on this trip, let alone grad school, is not lost on me (neither are my student loans). And I recognize that this season of waiting was a time of preparation.

I stand here saying, "God is so good", but I what makes me say "God is so good", is not whether or not this program or trip happened. His goodness is not dependent on my circumstances.
Friends - His goodness is not dependent on your circumstances.

I have seen the mountain, and I have skimmed the valleys, and I know that in both:
Our God IS good. And He knows our hearts.